I spent way too many years saying “I want a book, my own book. I want to stand up and read from my book”. It took many years to get to the point where I could write this book. Lots of writes and rewrites and more rewrites. Then the trying to actually put it together – and starting over and showing it to others (thanks again, Jessica) and starting over. And finally saying that I could not face doing even one more draft. Then the proof comes and I realize that I have used the same word in 3 poems in a row and if I’m supposed to be a poet, couldn’t I come up with synonyms?

            Then – I hold the book in my hands – the actual book – my book! It is a thrill! Exciting! A dream I can touch!  BUT…Others can hold this book, too. And read my words and “know” me. This is different from reading a couple of poems at an open – these are my choice of what I think are my best work. Now that reader I imagined when I wrote these poems so long ago is real and is holding my book in his/her hands. And they can judge/react/love/hate these words. A chancy ego trip at best.

            This whole trip has been a roller coaster ride – thrill and anxiety, wow and damn, I’m good and I suck – one emotion after another and sometimes both at the same time. So glad it’s over at the same time as I miss the sorting and organizing and revising.

            So with this first month of being a published poet drawing to a close and actually having sold some copies and having stood up and read from “my book” – what is going through my head?  “Do I have any work that I could use in another book?” And so it starts again – with a large pile of papers in a folder labeled “these need work”.

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One Comment on “FIRST BOOK”

  1. Ink Says:

    You should be proud indeed! It’s a very good collection with some fantastic poems. I enjoyed it immensely.

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